you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
