i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
