I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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