Jerry, you need to find god
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
