She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
FUCK WHALES
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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