she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
