I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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