I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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