we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
