Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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