Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
is it fun? or sober?
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