Someone shit on the floor
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
