It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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