Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
