Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
not ubering you a puppy
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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