life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize