discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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