the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
