well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
