turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
