They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
