i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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