If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
