i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize