I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
