you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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