I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
