Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize