My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
