i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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