I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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