Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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