so explain again why im purple
no
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
