then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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