You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
