she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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