If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
