alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you didnt know i had herpes?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
