This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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