I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
