Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I sprained my soul last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
