i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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