Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
