If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
