so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His nipple licking is glorious
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