1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
