Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
