yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
