im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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