This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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