Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
