I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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