Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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