you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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