You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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