where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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