So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
