Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
