I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
