i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
