I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
