yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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