She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
