Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
