I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
