I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
