I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
