just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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