yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
