More tranny stories later!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
