Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My bed smells like the plague
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
