Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
