when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
