the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
