its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
