At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
